Monday, August 17, 2009

wild words

"words ought to be a little wild for they are the assault of thoughts on the unthinking" John Maynard Keynes

I often wonder what is to become of our 1st Amendment. Before enacting the Constitution, the states refused to ratify unless the civil liberties of the American people would be protected. Hence the Bill of Rights. In my practice, the fourth, fifth, sixth and eighth amendments are what I normally concern myself with. But when I start looking for alternate media viewpoints and I can only find them in personal blogs, the 1st Amendment starts screaming for attention. What happened to wild words? Where are the in-your-face reporters who demand an answer? Where is the NY Times that published the Pentagon Papers despite threat of censure by the government? Where are the wild words that inspired so many to pursue journalism???

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Spiritual Pickpockets?

In seems to me that in times of desperation, we are extremely impressionable, we accept hope in its most perverse forms and our faith in God is strengthened. We're convinced our misfortune is due to either our transgressions against God, or the world's transgressions against us. We recognize God as being the only entity that can save us from ourselves and whatever else ails us. There is greater devotion to whatever spiritual beliefs we have. To purge our lives of the misery, we do all things passionately - pray, fast, worship, tithe. We do it all to the max. Basically my point is that desperation leads to fervent living. When I was miserable, I was willing to do any and everything possible to honor God in my finances, my work, my relationships, etc...

Now on the other hand, when things are looking good, happiness galore, prosperity flowing, we are more firm in our set of "comfort" beliefs. The belief system that is without strain, that requires minimal sacrifice. We're confident in our worldly abilities and accutely aware of what steps we took to get to this happy stage in our lives. We can't be swayed. We take all the credit - "I worked my butt off" - "I stay on the grind" - "I'm doing my thing". Thanking God in prayer is less likely to happen. We tithe less, we pray less, we shop more, we spend more, we straddle the lines of immorality more. Why? Because we think we are invincible. We tell ourselves we're "representing the King" and justify squandering our wages on our vanities - not enriching God's kingdom. We tell ourselves that we "deserve" to be pampered for all the hard work we have accomplished, as if there was no more work to be done.

I think that there are some men and women of the Cloth who take advantage of Les Miserables... They feed off the souls of the desperate to advance their goals. I wonder how many comfortable/wealthy individuals whose lives are not met with much tragedy - how many of them tithe immensely and sacrifice constantly for their church.

Don't get me wrong - I think tithing is essential, and I strongly support it. But reading some of the requests for funds taking place among preachers of "Prosperity Gospel" makes me a bit skirmish... See the NY Times article below

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Real Men are Feminists

*written Thursday March 13, 2008*

A real dude, who does real things is a feminist. A Godly man, who seeks the heart of God is ready for an "ezer kenegdo" {ezer: powerful helper/strong savior; kenegdo: alongside} in a woman. You can’t expect a woman to *submit* to you if you are a man who rejects her feminine power (*submission* as charged during the time of the fall of Adam & Eve, suggesting that this is woman’s curse, not woman’s natural state of existence to be submissive to her spouse). Only a real man is worthy of, and can handle a feminine, adventurous, furious, passionate, devoted, beautiful, resilient, emotional, warrior woman who he knows he can depend on when he desperately needs her. He needs to seek her, adore her, pursue her & upon her satisfaction, she will support him, protect him, comfort him, defend him, etc... Simply put, a real dude who does real things, a real manly man... is a feminist. I have to admit that the chorus from Jay-Z’s song "Real Ni&&as" is stuck in my head - but the overall lyrics of the song are waaaaaaaay off point, but the chorus rings true... REAL *brothas* DO REAL THINGS, and the real thing I am referring to is recognizing how powerful we women are! Rejoicing in our femininity, unique wiring and reflection of God. Think about this - women are creators, comfortors, saviors, soothers and more - these are powerful womanly attributes that identify God within us. Who comforts more than God? Who is more wrathful and furious than God? Admit it, you know more wrathful/furious women than you do men. Are wrath and fury purely manly attributes? No - men and women, we complement each other because we were molded as alternate reflections of the same Divine Being. So I appreciate and cherish the manly attributes of God that I see in my fellow man, and all I ask is that my Christian brothers (and every other man really) recognize the womanly attributes of God that are found in us women. No man worthy of the love of God should be intimidated by our God-given power. Can’t you see that the reflection of God in us is why we women give men grief? Men complain about women being too complicated - well, sorry... frogs are more complex than single cell amoebas having being later creatures in God’s creation. Therefore, as the CROWN GLORY of creation, I shall naturally be more complex than you dear man. Not superior, merely more complex, and men need to recognize this. The rebellion in our human hearts divides us from God and divides us from each other. We are women... We need to be romanced - we can have it no other way, because that is how God has wired us. We must be adored, desired & romanced - just as God does. God doesn’t go chasing you down the street looking for your love! Some crazy bitch might chase you down the street to cut you. And to be perfectly honest, God’s fury will chase you to exert wrath upon you for your disobedience. Doesn’t it all line up? So my words for today are this:

Love God, love women
Adore God, adore women
Romance God, romance women
Pursue God, pursue women
Appreciate God, appreciate God’s reflection... ME!

and if he does all these things, then I will submit to my spouse!

Resources || Information || Supremacists

This is kinda long... Wonder if anyone will actually read it, lol...

When I really sit down and think about it, I guess it truly is hard to view everyone as your equal. I know that everyone is my equal - God equipped Einstein, Anacaona, Leonardo DaVinci, Sonia Sanchez, I.M. Pei & I with all the same resources at birth: 1 brain, a pair of eyes, a pair of legs, toes, fingers, etc... What we did to acquire further resources separates us, but I am still nonetheless their equal. I take for granted that I was raised to view the victimized and the aggressor as my equals... The young, the old, the uplifted and the downtrodden, all equal in value as fellow human beings. We might not all "start" at the same point, but we all have the ability to make it - whatever we view as making it. All we need is the resources and we can all do that which we want to do.

Complete information - that's all you need to be at the same starting point. Perfect competition cannot exist unless everyone is working with the same information - once everyone has the same information, we can all try to attain the resources and bring ourselves to our desired point of "success" (off on a tangent for a moment - This is my view of a "free market" - let us all have the same information so that true competition can exist... For as long as one or two chaps are hording all the information, thereyby owning all the resources & access to business opportunities, what sets that apart from communism where the government holds all the money & keeps the masses at the poverty line? But I digress...)

As a child, I used to sit and wonder how anyone could be racist, sexist, practice an "ism" of any kind. Who was out there telling whites that they were better than blacks; telling Koreans that they were better than Malaysians? Who was telling Dominicans they were better than Haitians; telling men that they were better than women? Who held that authority? But I guess when you see one kind of person always struggling with & stuck in the same kind of problem or predicament, the average man who doesn't guard his heart & mind is likely to believe that this is that kind of person's fate. But I urge us all to rise above that inclinination. Using the past of the black man's shackles should not define your perception of what he is capable of today. The woman's everpresent glass ceiling should not be viewed as a true limit to her abilities as a professional or acheiver of any kind. The plight of the immigrant when she comes to America should not be the typecast experience that we believe she deserves.

When you sit down and really think about it, it all comes down to resources - basic haves & have nots. Further yet, haves & have nots, and then what people do with their "haves". A decision yielding an unpleasant result does not make someone lesser than their peer who chose another route. Someone with more resources is likely to have more opportunities at their disposal because they can explore more... They can experiment more... They can find whatever information they need to advance. So what it boils down to is resources and information. Resources and information set us apart, but it doesn't create a human-value-hierarchy between us (I should make up a term for that concept). I say down with the supremacy of any kind. I am everyone's equal in the eyes of God. All that sets us apart is what we do with the information we have and the information we acquire. Information that remains stagnant begins to lose its value if it is not updated and transformed.

This is basically my roundabout way of pointing out that resources & information are either accessible or not - they can be limited, taken away or perverted. If you lose your job tomorrow, get cut off from all family and friends & lose access to your school, bank, work & personal records, you have essentially been de-resourced & de-informed (I just made up those terms... way cool, lol) - making you an ideal candidate for HOMELESSNESS. Didn't we all see Trading Places wih Eddie Murphy & Dan Akroyd? All our resources & information can be stripped of us, devalued or limited. By the Grace of God alone do we have certain "securities" in life. Therefore, the day you see a poor family, or meet someone who "has" less than you in material terms or wordly "successes" (whatever that may mean to you), remind yourself that all it takes is for resources and information to be out of your reach, and you may suddenly be in their place - regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, nationality, religious affiliation, sexual preference, age or handicap...

raging aish'

Friday, June 15, 2007

So the plan was not to fool around too much with myspace at all until I was done w/the bar... just deviating from the plan for one sec.

So in bar review, my instructor comes up with silly hypotheticals involving prostitutes, bullies, slumlords, gangstas & other tort-feasors... My instructor manages to paint vivid imagery of the juicy stuff lawsuits are made of without using any names, and without offending anyone's ethnicity, gender, background, etc. So on with the stories - hopefully they help me pass the bar. But when his assistant does lectures (on occasion), I don't know if he's trying to help us relate, or what - but he just LOVES using blacks & latinos in all of his little stories. And guess what we're doing in these hypotheticals? We're either cleaning toilets, working illegally on some farm, or in jail...

so I got a tad bit offended... am I being irrational?

I can't lie... He is indeed THAT fly!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

When we are going through rough times, it's always difficult to remember not to become so self-centered in our problem(s) that we make things worse by wallowing in self-pity... So today, at 12:14am... April 17, 2007 {by the way, happy birthday Ethan} I propose we praise God and lift Him up on our crummy days... You know what I'm talking about - the day your hair won't lay right, you got a parking ticket, you failed an exam, got rejected from another job you applied for, got fined a penalty by Blockbuster, realize you have TONS of school/job work to do AND your new 'boo' dumped you {or maybe you dumped her/him, and are feeling crutty for it}. Oh, and P.S., your rent's due mutha%$#!!!
Imagine how amazing the day shall be when you overcome all these temporary obstacles! Imagine how deeply you will begin to understand how blessed you are when you start to thank Him for your adversities! The spice of life requires a bit of misery, and I think one of the biggest misconceptions is that we are blessed by things all going our way - us being happy all the time. Not true. I would be very happy NOT to have to go to any of these wretched law school classes, and NOT to have to wash the soapscum out of the bathtub. Like, you know... let this blasted semester end now, let the soapscum build - like immediately and whatnot. But how would I enjoy my graduation if I did what I "wanted" - just got lazy {or laziER rather... lol} and myspaced my life away? How lasting would that joy be - the laziness in not wanting to clean the soapscum - and then realizing weeks later that I haven't bathed because I've been waiting for my roommate to step up to the plate & get his scrub on? What I have realized is that all trials, all difficulties, all tribulations are essentially preparation for life. I'm not ready for God to fulfill the desires of my heart on my time - before I broke a sweat trying to figure out how badly I had those desires. I am where I am in my life, and I'm proud of that broken nail, my torn achilles heel, my headache, all this schoolwork and more! Thanks for blessing me in ways I don't even understand! I tell ya, I can't lie... Jesus is indeed THAT fly!

Cuz I am not the one...

Monday, March 5, 2007
Let's just say this is an addendum to my previous blog of top things I can't stand... Free-thought questions that have flooded my mind as of late

Why do men want what they can't have? And why do women keep falling for the lure of the chase? Why do so many people in the south wear gold teeth? Why do men want the good Christian woman, but don't want to do the work to be a good Christian man to attract them? Why are singles ministries at churches always filled with desperate women? Why aren't the desperate men going, and why do I always have to run into these desperadoes? Why are my neighbors so triflin? Where did this stereotype that white people write letters when they have a problem come from? Why do we women have to wear our sins on our bodies? Why do people try to mask disses with fake compliments? When is it ever possible to use the term "you people" while talking to anyone of any creed or sex without offending them? Why is Jay-Z born in 1969 and yet sings "30 is the new 20"? Shouldn't he be singing 40's the new 30 since he's about to turn 40? Why do people keep complaining about not wanting to have to think about what they say? Why have we allowed oursleves to become bigots who are prejudiced against new immigrants? Why don't we show a little love? And last but not least, why do men try to cover their bases with the lamest excuses? - i.e.: "I'm reeeeeaaaally busy doing the same exact thing you're doing," "I've got a big unknown project I can't tell you about," "I'm reeeaaaally broke so I can't drive more than 10 miles per day... it burns too much gas," "My phone doesn't work in that state," "I'm not ready for a relationship (even though all you wanted was to meet up for coffee - just wanted to make sure you weren't confused)" "I want to hang out, but I'm more of a home-body. So maybe you should come over next time... after 12am that is," "I didn't call because I didn't want to interrupt your weekend - I know you were out of town"


my degrees make me important... i hope?

Monday, February 05, 2007

One more thing I am sick and tired of... the title "young professional - blah -" for get-togethers and other events where nothing 'professional' is happening at these so called YP events at all... 'Young professional happy hour' and 'young professional networking event', so on and so forth when really, grad students and grads with white collar jobs are just getting together to shake rumps and get drunk with each other. Isn't there something better we can be doing with ourselves? Social impact? Activism? How is it that so-called YPs are donned this title of "productive member of society" and yet all YPs do is tout their self-importance and talk about about the 'state of the world today'? Where are the YP philanthropists? For all the buddies of mine with thousand dollar purses and expensive fully loaded vehicles, what are they doing to change the world for all of mankind? The false sense of elitism that people tend to have when they label themselves YPs and go to these types of YP events is odd and quite disturbing. Not to mention the belief of entitlement... So because you spent 10 years getting all these degrees, you believe you deserve some higher status or greater place in society over someone your age who has 10 years of work experience? I am getting tired of the same 'where did you go to school and what are you doing now' crowd. Where is the construction worker who plans on starting his own contracting business? or the mechanic who can explain to me why my car purrs the way it does? Or the former coal miner who understands the science behind carbon filtration in a practical sense? Where is the electrician dammit? I refuse to believe that everyone I run into should be a physician, engineer, lawyer or therapist... None of us know how to do anything with our hands... we contract out life and constantly attempt to create a false sense of self-importance with this absurd accumulation of degree upon degree upon degree. My self-worth is not to be evaluated by my post-secondary degrees. Not that I don't admire the hard work people put into their educational attainments... I mean, I have worked my butt off in school... But I know that school isn't for everyone, and I don't need a PhD in Fluffologystometrics to be a functional member of society. So for this coming year, one more thing on my to-do list is to learn how to do something tangible and physical in scope. Maybe I'll learn how to fix AC units or learn how to tune up my own car. yes dammit... that's the plan.

can't stop, won't stop

Sunday, January 21, 2007

I don't altogether believe in forsaking human interaction by reveling in the conveniences of electronic interactions, but I figure God let Myspace exist for a reason, right?

so I'm convinced that myspace and other similar so-called "social networking" websites are the tools that meet the needs of voyeurs and exhibitionists. i wonder if that was God's purpose in allowing myspace into my life... to live out my inner peeping tom & skinny dipper lol

perception, reality, and mind wandering

Thursday, January 18, 2007

weeelll... my mind is racing and it's about 6:01pm. Watching the news last night, they said something about less people dying from cancer. though at first blush this might come off as good news, I couldn't help but to ask myself... is this a victory or some false sense of security? I'm not trying to be a pessimist here but people not dying from cancer just might be dying from other ailments, or we might be keeping them alive (technically speaking that is) on funky machines. and alive by funky machine is not "alive" in my book. So what exactly did they mean on the news when they said that there are less deaths from cancer this year than ever before?? Aisha will never know b/c Aisha has A.D.D. and stopped watching the news immediately thereafter, lol...

and on to my next thought...

So while yapping with misse, she was telling me about her selfish desire to have children so as to have adequate support when she is in her old age. I think she admitted that it was a selfish reason to want to procreate, so no issue there... What I took issue with was the fact that she used an old couple that didn't have any kids as her example of some dark future she wanted to avoid. the uncertainty of their safety, their vulnerability in their old age are what bothered her... but while she was explaining their life to me, all I could think of was how glorious that sounded. Two people in their late 90's, still married, living on their own, both blind as bats, but together and still kicking - that's hot. I understand that at this point they are probably still together based off necessity, but does that matter really? No one stays madly in love forever anyways... At some point the butterflies get fat, lazy, old and die, so something else - whether it be companionship, comfort or sheer dependency - must kick in to keep them together. Misse reasoned that if they had children, they wouldn't be so vulnerable - vulnerable to what I ask? - to the potential of being robbed, raped, maimed, killed, etc... OK, but that's an outsider's perception of some other person's reality. It's almost like going to some untouched paradise, and feeling sorry for the man who lives off the fruit and vegetables that he reaps from the toil of his own land - "he's so poor, he has to grow his own food! Let's do him a favor and build a walmart in his neighborhood..." - maybe I'm a bit odd for comparing walmart to procreation, but then again, I don't want kids... that's all for now.

Throwback Thoughts


Confused and
Not knowing where to go or
What to do with him or herself
the Black youth seeks answers
to which the questions are unknown
Yearning for knowledge which cannot be
Searching for a
Source of love
Natural or UN-Natural
Good or

(age 14)

politics from a dummy

Sunday, June 25, 2006

so this weekend i was supposed to party w/friends, cousins, line-sisters, etc... but instead, i camped in the house with moms and chatted the whole weekend. i left ny with questions, and i feel like i'm on the brink of a revelation, or maybe a confused trip down politics lane.

FIRST, is the anti-abortion movement really "pro-life"? On the extreme end, there are people trying to blow up abortion clinics... ok, clearly not "pro-life." I don't know many anti-abortionists that donate time or money to help support parents considering abortion. Shouldn't we all be trying to offer support to the pained person seeking an abortion - isn't that what they usually need? Some type of emotional, or financial support? Why condemn them? Further yet, though health insurance is expensive, shouldn't we be supporting free health care for all children if we want to stop abortion? Maybe the person considering abortion would have kept the child if they thought they could afford to keep it. If we know people will fornicate, and further yet, that they will stupidly have unprotected sex when they clearly can't afford to get pregnant, shouldn't we be in support of birth control? Why aren't we concerned with the forces that cause one to abort? Why this burning at the stake?

ALONG the same lines of the so called "pro-life" movement, doesn't american politics seem anti-children? Since poor people have more children per family, what are rich people doing to keep their numbers so low? I would presume it is birth control. Should we not make birth control more readily available to everyone? Not only that, but about stay-at-home parents... Aren't they basically on "welfare"? If one parent works and claims their spouse as a dependent, they receive a tax cut from the government based off that parent staying home & the children they are caring for. Since people who are actually ON welfare receive so little money, when we say we are anti-welfare, shouldn't we equally protest the middle-class/rich stay at home parent? Shouldn't we tell him/her to go get a job so that s/he can stop collecting money from the government? Now we certainly wouldn't want to do that - we want children to be reared by a parent that has the time to care for them. So what are we doing as active citizens to make sure that every child is being raised by a parent that has the time to raise them? Shouldn't we be working towards communal raising? Does it make sense that we americans will tolerate spending billions per month on war, but we object to spending millions on feeding and caring for children? Shouldn't children be all that we fight for? Whatever happened to children are the future? Well then shouldn't education be a fundamental right then?

Capital Punishment

Wednesday May 24, 2006

The German government refuses to turn a convict into an instrumentality of crime prevention to the detriment of his or her constitutionally protected right to social worth & respect. Social worth and respect, if stripped or hindered, deny a person their human dignity. Human dignity is at the heart of German fundamental rights. In Germany, the death penalty is illegal. not only that, but so is life imprisonment. A person must be afforded the opportunity to reintegrate into society, and it is impossible to do so in prison.

crawling out of misery to land into poverty

Monday, April 14, 2006

Current mood: sad

Every day, I wake up and remind myself - today is the day of the Lord - life is precious - i am loved - i am blessed... But of course, I can't help but wonder what's going on with my people. How does someone who lives in destitute conditions in the slums of Haiti wake up in the morning and thank the Lord for their blessings? Does it happen? Are they upset at the way their lives are? Is it a lack of faithfulness that has left Haiti in the state that it's in? why 6 million people in a state below poverty? Whose fault is all of this?

I remember my first time going to the market with our cook, and she told me not to let anyone touch me. She said that if I let the people at the market touch me, they would make me "dirty" like them. If I were dirty like them, my family would have to throw me away. I didn't know what that meant, so to me, they were jinns, or demons that wanted to eat me or make me disappear of something... That was in Morocco. To this day, I wonder what she meant... Maybe she just wanted to scare me into sticking close to her, or maybe she possessed some underlying beliefs of the "market people."

Fast forward to Haiti a couple of years later. Reminiscent of the busy markets in Morocco, I used to beg the house help to let me accompany them when they went to do the groceries. No matter who I asked, none of them wanted to let me join them. My aunt would kill them they would say. There's nothing to see at the market... Go to the supermarket with your aunt - leave the actual market shopping to us they would say. It never made any sense to me. So when a new maid joined us that was only 5 yrs my senior, I begged her to let me come with her when she needed to buy legumes for dinner the next day. I never saw that many beggars in my life. On that trip to the market was my first time seeing a dead body - several dead bodies. And everyone seemed unphazed... People went about their business, buying food for their homes. Or so I thought - almost everyone there worked at someone's house as a cook, or some other type of house help, and they were the privileged ones at the market. I had always felt sorry for the fact that we had a bunch of women working in our house, the youngest being a teen, the eldest in her 80's. Going to the market in Haiti showed me that there are multiple levels of poverty. It showed me that the house help were better off than over 60% of teh population. It showed me that there are people in destitution beyond anything we can ever understand in our plush lives. Sad but true, but in Haiti, there are too many people hoping and praying to crawl out of misery to land into poverty.

connection is... elucidating

Monday, April 10, 2006

Current mood: relieved
So my baby brother called me finally. He had some personal time today, and he shared some of that scarce personal time with me. All this time, I was worried... Worried that he was hungry, cold, lonely, depressed... He's only 18, and being charged with the duty to protect this country. I still haven't figured out who the enemy is, but that's a whole other blog for a whole other study-less all nighter. This connection was elucidating because for the first time, I understood what Yasser was saying without being explicit. He was telling me that he was ok. that he was fine. that he was content with life. That he loved me, that he loved our baby brothers and sister, that he misses NY, that he misses our arguments from years past. I am so relieved, happy, content, and comfortable. I can rest now - well not really. I have to write a couple of papers. But everything is under God's control. No need to worry when THE Supreme Being is handling things.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Father's Day Devotional

I visited the closest mega-bookstore in the hopes to find a spiritual guidance book for men that I could give to my brother for Father's Day. It seemed like a reasonable thing to look for. When I actually got to the book store, I found bulletproof bibles, waterproof bibles, bibles you can put your makeup in, bibles that use slang, bibles that use different color ink, bibles with multiple versions inside, bibles that use pictures, bibles that ... but no book about regular guys that don't always look to God, but who are warm and gentle-spirited. The kind of book I was hoping to find would have been a motivational book that doesn't come off as as spiritual one... Instead I found a plethora of bible with useless perks.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Slice of life

Aaah, life seems like it could be so much more exciting in retrospect. I could have done this while I had that and when I was still this... How annoying - I wish I could spend more time DOING rather than HOPING, and then THINKING in retrospect why I didn't DO. Is that grammatically defunct? Anyways. Why do I always tell myself to "live life to the fullest" but it seems I only fall short of the Glory God has set out for me? I can be soooo lazy, bust somehow, despite this laziness, I always come out alright. But I know my life is worth more than just this moment, that I can do more with my talents, and that my talents need to be reworked, nourished and developed. Whenever I update long lost friends or family members with a slice of my life, they revel in my so-called accomplishments, but I don't believe I have accomplished much. I find that I've maintained a "just passing" grade in life, remaining afloat of my self-imposed status quo. So it is 12pm right now, I am set to go to lunch at 1pm, and I have essentially wasted away the morning at work. Today is the day I redeem myself. Today, I will shoot for the moon, today, I will actually WOW through my work and not simply complete a task satisfactorily. Everyone is so proud, but I do nothing. I rather not be recognized when I should than receive accolades when I shouldn't. The next time I share a slice of my life, it must be nothing short of amazing.

Saturday, September 04, 2004

aisha thought 1

sometimes, i go through phases where i have to wonder what the next step is. and when i say "next step", i don't mean this in any intangible futuristic non-concrete fashion, but really... in which direction should i take my next step? should i walk towards the bathroom to stare at my pores in the mirror? or should i walk to the kitchen for a glass of merlot? should i walk towards my wallet to pick it up and run to the bodega to buy something to drink other than wine? maybe i should. or should i remain stagnant, not just in my bed, but in life. i mean heck, i don't work, don't want to, so i might as well stay in bed... or maybe i should exercise... who knows. i have to go back to class on monday. oops, wrong. tuesday. law school i much more fun than i thought it would be. my thoughts are racing. i haven't eaten in a while. maybe i should have a salad. maybe i should go out for lunch. i shouldn't spend this much money... i don't have any sort of income. hmmm... what was i getting at? hmmm. i have to read about 100 pages of legal jargon for tuesday. maybe i'll fall in love on my way to school.

couple hours later

i just wrote all these thoughts and the machine deleted them.. or is that simply a fragment of my imagination? i would hope not. i wrote about my fascination with the german language, and how much i love pinot noir... i also wrote about how i think i am such an unproductive individual, but that is all relative to what i find "being productive" really entails... alles ist relatif... just rolls off your tongue. i should teach myself german... maybe i'll take a nap too.

couple hours later

are you ever involved in a million things but wonder why? i feel as if i'm not doing anything productive with myself. needless to say that this observation is of course relative to what i would say is "being productive"... alles ist relatif... i am in love with the German language. my passions lie in helping those in need. i also have passions that lie in travel and red wine and the german language. what is this fascination i have? i got upset with my boyfriend yesterday because he speaks english, and english only. i didn't tell him he made me upset, but now that i think about it, maybe i should have... but why? what would i get out of telling him that i wish he spoke another language? he could reply with... well, i wish you had bigger breasts... who knows. larry doesn't talk like that. i think i'll take a nap.

couple hours later

are you ever involved in a million things but wonder why? i feel as if i'm not doing anything productive with myself. needless to say that this observation is of course relative to what i would say is "being productive"... alles ist relatif... i am in love with the German language. my passions lie in helping those in need. i also have passions that lie in travel and red wine and the german language. what is this fascination i have? i got upset with my boyfriend yesterday because he speaks english, and english only. i didn't tell him he made me upset, but now that i think about it, maybe i should have... but why? what would i get out of telling him that i wish he spoke another language? he could reply with... well, i wish you had bigger breasts... who knows. larry doesn't talk like that. i think i'll take a nap.